once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
