So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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