So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
