At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize