How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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