I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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