so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
