last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
