would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize