I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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