I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
