I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
two words: eviction party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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