I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
