Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
