Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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