Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
