I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
