Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i think i just lost a toe
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