my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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