i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
