Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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