is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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