Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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