I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
