apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
