Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
