Already got asked if we're dating
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
