I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
