Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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