Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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