I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
