Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
