If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dick very happy bro
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
