everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's the barista slut.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
