You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
