and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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