If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
