that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
