They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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