The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
