i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
