You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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