Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
