I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
