Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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