He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
