Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize