So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
