I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
