haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
