Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
