bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
