I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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