Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
