He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
