She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
