i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
