i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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