dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
