one might say we're banned from that church
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
