I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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