Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
