There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
