you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
