Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
