This is not my ceiling
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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