Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
