When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
