just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
