yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
