quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
