We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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