It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
