Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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