I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
