Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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