i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
