I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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