im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
